Congratulations, Uncle! Hope you're ready for your social life to be officially declared 'missing in action' for the next 18 years. We'll send flowers to its grave.
Welcome to the club of permanent exhaustion and questionable life choices, Uncle. Enjoy never sleeping soundly again!
Turn this into a beautiful card for Uncle
Send a private link they'll actually want to open — not just a text. Free, no account needed.
Heard there's a new little tyrant in the family. Prepare for your wallet to shed tears, Uncle, and your 'free time' to become a myth.
So, you thought you were busy before? That was just a warm-up, Uncle. Good luck remembering what 'relax' even means!
A tiny human has arrived to lovingly destroy your house and empty your bank account. Congrats on the new decorator, Uncle!
None of these feel quite right?
Add a personal detail — a memory, a name — and get something made just for your Uncle.
You've officially leveled up to 'diaper-changing expert,' Uncle. May your aim be true and your nose ever-resilient!
To the new dad who thought he had all the answers: prepare for a master class in humility and projectile bodily fluids. Good luck, Uncle!
Congratulations, Uncle, you're now responsible for another human. Just try not to pass on *all* your bad habits. Maybe just a few.
Hope you enjoy the sounds of incessant crying and the delightful aroma of soiled diapers, Uncle. Your new soundtrack and perfume have arrived!
They say a baby brings joy. They forgot to mention it also brings chaos, sleep deprivation, and a complete lack of personal space. Enjoy your new reality, Uncle!
Common questions
Why would I send savage wishes instead of traditional ones?‹
Because your uncle isn't just *any* uncle, and a new baby isn't just *any* event! Sometimes, the best way to show love is through brutal honesty and a good-natured roast. It adds humor to the chaos and reminds him he's not alone in the upcoming sleepless misery.
How do I ensure my uncle takes these wishes as a joke and not an insult?‹
The key is knowing your uncle's sense of humor. These wishes are best for uncles who appreciate a good jab and understand sarcasm. Deliver them with a wink, a smile, or a punch to the arm, making it clear it's all in good fun. If in doubt, maybe add a small, genuine compliment... *after* the roast.
What if the baby actually grows up to read these wishes?‹
By the time they're old enough to read and understand, they'll likely agree with everything we said about their dad's struggles. Plus, it'll give them a great laugh and an early lesson in their dad's (lack of) sleep and personal hygiene during their infancy. It's character building, really.