Savage / Roast New Job Wishes for Brother
Your brother finally landed a new gig, and let's be honest, he probably doesn't deserve it. But since you have to congratulate him, why not do it in the most brutally honest, savage way possible? Here are some wishes to perfectly encapsulate your sibling 'love'.
Heard you got a new job. Guess someone finally realized your main talent isn't just annoying me. Congrats...ish.
Congrats on the new gig, bro! Don't screw this one up as fast as you screwed up all your chances with Mom's favorite vase.
Turn this into a beautiful card for Brother
Send a private link they'll actually want to open — not just a text. Free, no account needed.
They hired *you*? Wow, standards must really be dropping these days. Just kidding (mostly). Congrats!
So you're finally going to be a productive member of society? Took you long enough. Hope they have good benefits for therapy.
New job, huh? Make sure to update your LinkedIn profile picture, the current one still screams 'lives in mom's basement'.
None of these feel quite right?
Add a personal detail — a memory, a name — and get something made just for your Brother.
Good luck with the new job, brother. Try not to get fired before you learn everyone's name this time.
Well, look at you, actually working. Don't worry, I won't tell your new colleagues about all those 'sick days' you took in high school.
Congrats on proving everyone wrong, especially me. I genuinely thought you'd be a professional couch potato forever. Impressive.
Hope your new boss has a high tolerance for questionable life choices and even more questionable fashion sense. You'll need it. Congrats!
Another job? Don't tell me you're actually planning on contributing to the household bills now. Kidding, mostly. Best of luck (you'll need it).
Common questions
How do I make sure my savage wishes don't actually offend him?‹
The key is knowing your brother and your relationship. If you've always had a playful, roasting dynamic, he'll likely get it. Add a genuine compliment at the end, or follow up with a real congratulations to soften the blow if needed.
What's the best way to deliver these types of wishes?‹
In person with a smirk, via text with a laughing emoji, or in a card if you add a sweet, heartfelt message on the inside after the initial roast. Context and delivery are everything!
Can I use these for other siblings or friends?‹
Absolutely, as long as your relationship with them is strong enough to handle a good-natured roast. Adjust the specifics to fit their personality and shared inside jokes for maximum impact (and minimal actual offense).