Congratulations on your new job! I'm sure you'll thrive until you realize the commute is soul-crushing.
Another company bravely took you on? My sincerest condolences... I mean, congratulations!
Turn this into a beautiful card for Cousin
Send a private link they'll actually want to open — not just a text. Free, no account needed.
So glad to hear you've found a new way to complain about work. Wishing you all the best (of luck surviving the onboarding).
Enjoy the honeymoon phase of your new job before you start updating your LinkedIn again. Cheers!
Fantastic news! Just remember, a bigger paycheck often comes with bigger headaches. You're welcome.
None of these feel quite right?
Add a personal detail — a memory, a name — and get something made just for your Cousin.
Here's to hoping your new boss isn't *too* much worse than the last one. Aim low, you won't be disappointed!
Wow, a new job! Don't worry, the crushing weight of responsibility and endless meetings will feel just like home in no time.
Good for you, finally getting out of bed for something new. Try not to break anything on your first day, okay?
I heard about your new gig. Just make sure you update us on how quickly you discover the office coffee is still terrible.
Another stepping stone on your path to... well, something. Congrats on the temporary escape from your previous purgatory!
Common questions
How do I deliver a sarcastic new job wish without actually offending my cousin?‹
It's all about tone and your existing relationship! If your cousin knows your humor, a well-placed eye-roll or a playful 'You poor thing' can make it clear you're joking. Context is key, and a wink emoji never hurts in a text.
What's the best occasion for a sarcastic new job wish?‹
Any occasion where they're expecting genuine praise! A celebratory dinner, a family gathering, or even just a casual text when they announce the news. The unexpected sarcasm is what makes it fun.
Can I personalize these sarcastic wishes further?‹
Absolutely! The more inside jokes you can weave in about their past jobs, specific career woes, or even their general life choices, the funnier and more personal the sarcasm will become. Just make sure it still lands as a joke!