Congratulations on the new job, grandson! Try not to break anything important, like the coffee machine or your spirit.
Heard you got a new job. Does this mean you'll finally be able to afford your own streaming subscriptions instead of using mine?
Turn this into a beautiful card for Grandson
Send a private link they'll actually want to open — not just a text. Free, no account needed.
Well, look at you, getting a job! Who knew all those hours playing video games were actually 'honing your problem-solving skills' for real work?
Another company willing to take a chance? Brave of them. Good luck convincing them you actually know what you're doing!
So you're officially a working man now. Don't worry, the crushing weight of responsibility only gets heavier from here. Enjoy!
None of these feel quite right?
Add a personal detail — a memory, a name — and get something made just for your Grandson.
This new job better come with a decent dental plan, because you're going to need it after all those stress-induced teeth grinding sessions.
Hope your new boss has a good sense of humor, or at least a high tolerance for questionable decision-making. Just like your grandma always did!
Congratulations! Now that you're employed, does this mean I can stop pretending your 'entrepreneurial endeavors' were ever going to pan out?
A new job, huh? Don't get too comfortable, they usually figure you out within the first 3-6 months. Good luck extending that!
Remember, it's not about loving your job; it's about not hating it enough to quit. Aim high, grandson!
Common questions
How do I deliver these savage wishes without genuinely upsetting him?‹
The key is context and relationship! These are best delivered with a wink, a smile, or a playful punch on the shoulder. Ensure he knows it's all in good fun and that your underlying pride is real. A small, thoughtful gift alongside the roast can also soften the blow.
Are these wishes suitable for all grandsons?‹
Absolutely not! These are for grandsons with a robust sense of humor who appreciate playful teasing and sarcasm. If your grandson is sensitive or doesn't share your dry wit, stick to more traditional, heartfelt congratulations to avoid any misunderstanding.
Can I use these for other family members or friends?‹
While specifically written for a grandson, the tone can be adapted for anyone who appreciates a good roast and has a strong relationship with you. Just make sure the recipient's personality and your relationship with them can handle the heat!