Congrats on the new job, sis! I'm sure you'll do great... until they realize they've made a terrible mistake.
So, you finally found someone else willing to pay you to pretend to work? Amazing! Don't screw this one up as fast as the last.
Turn this into a beautiful card for Sister
Send a private link they'll actually want to open — not just a text. Free, no account needed.
Good luck with the new job, sis! May your coffee be strong, your patience be endless, and your new boss not realize you nap under your desk.
Heard you got a new job. Guess someone out there still believes in you. Let's see how long *that* lasts.
Is this new job the one where you actually have to show up every day? Good luck adjusting to that adulting thing, sister.
None of these feel quite right?
Add a personal detail — a memory, a name — and get something made just for your Sister.
Congrats on the new gig! Just try not to get fired before I can make fun of your new work uniform.
So, the bar for employment is lower than I thought. Congrats on barely clearing it, sis!
Wishing you all the best at your new job! Just remember, 'work ethic' is a concept, not a suggestion.
Another job, another chance to prove you're not entirely useless. Go get 'em, tiger... or at least don't get fired by Friday.
They hired *you*? Clearly, their HR department needs glasses. Congrats anyway, sis!
Common questions
How do I deliver a savage new job wish without actually offending my sister?‹
The key is knowing your sister's sense of humor! Deliver it with a smirk, a wink, or follow up with a genuine hug. Ensure she knows it's all in good fun and rooted in your unique sibling bond. Maybe even add a real compliment afterward!
Can I use these for a brother too?‹
Absolutely! While crafted for a sister, most of these savage wishes are universally applicable to any sibling with whom you share a strong, teasing relationship. Just adjust pronouns if necessary and let the roasting begin!
What's a good gift to go along with a savage new job wish?‹
Balance the roast with a thoughtful (or ironically thoughtful) gift! Consider a 'survival kit' for the office (cheap coffee, funny stress ball, a 'Do Not Disturb' sign), a gift card for lunch near her new workplace, or even a book on how to *actually* be a good employee.