Savage / Roast New Baby Wishes for Cousin
So, your cousin just popped out a tiny human. While traditional 'congratulations' are sweet, sometimes the occasion calls for something a little more... us. Ditch the sentimentality and prepare to welcome that new bundle of joy with a healthy dose of loving snark and outright roasts.
Congrats on the new baby, cuz! Enjoy the sleepless nights and the realization that your life is now officially over. We'll miss the old you.
Welcome to parenthood! May your coffee be strong and your patience stronger. Just kidding, you're screwed.
Turn this into a beautiful card for Cousin
Send a private link they'll actually want to open — not just a text. Free, no account needed.
Another mouth to feed! Looks like Christmas gifts are really going to suffer this year. Congrats, I guess.
They say babies are a blessing. They also say sleep is important. Pick one, cuz. Congrats!
Wow, a new baby! So, what did you two do to deserve this adorable little monster? Prepare for a lifetime of regret... just kidding, mostly.
None of these feel quite right?
Add a personal detail — a memory, a name — and get something made just for your Cousin.
Congrats on your little alarm clock! Hope you didn't have any big plans for the next 18 years. We're all here for the schadenfreude.
To my dear cousin, you've officially upgraded from 'party animal' to 'diaper-changing machine.' Couldn't happen to a nicer person. Enjoy!
They're so cute when they're sleeping. You know, when they're actually sleeping. Best of luck, you'll need it.
Another heir to the family chaos! Just what we needed. Seriously though, congrats on creating a tiny human to annoy you for decades.
I hear babies are like tiny dictators. So, basically, you've just brought a smaller, louder version of yourself into the world. Congrats, cuz, enjoy the karma!
Common questions
How do I make sure my savage message isn't taken the wrong way?‹
The key is knowing your cousin's sense of humor. Always deliver with a smile or a wink, and perhaps follow up with a genuinely sweet (but brief) compliment. It’s all about context and relationship – if they can dish it, they can take it!
Are these wishes appropriate for a baby shower card?‹
It depends entirely on the vibe of the shower and your relationship with the cousin. For a casual, fun-loving cousin who appreciates dark humor, sure! For a more traditional or formal gathering, you might want to tone it down or save these for a private message.
Can I adapt these for other family members?‹
Absolutely! These savage wishes can be adapted for siblings, close friends, or anyone in your family who shares your particular brand of humor. Just swap 'cousin' for their name or relation, and make sure they'll appreciate the playful roast.