Wishes for Grandchildren: What Grandparents Write
The best card from a grandparent sounds like the grandparent. It might mention Sunday pancakes, or admit the year was a hard one. You don't have to be poetic. Your grandchild will keep the card because it's in your handwriting.
If you'd like a starting point, we have wishes ready to copy for a grandson's birthday, a granddaughter's birthday, a grandson's wedding and a granddaughter's wedding. Below are some pointers for making them your own.
Start with something only you could say
Before you write a word, pick one detail. What did you two do the last time you were together? What have you noticed about them lately? Maybe they've started calling to ask how the tomatoes are doing. Maybe they stuck with piano long after you would have quit.
Put that detail in a short message: "I loved hearing you explain your volcano project last Sunday. I've been reading about volcanoes ever since. Happy birthday, love Grandma." One real observation beats a big statement about their future.
Leave the expectations out. A birthday card isn't the place to bring up grades, the job hunt, or how long it's been since they visited. Let them open it and simply feel loved.
What to write at different ages
First birthday
A one-year-old won't read the card, so write it for the person who finds it in a shoebox at twenty. Describe one moment from the year: the way they stared at the dog, or how they fell asleep on your shoulder halfway through dinner. Put the date on it.
Write to the child, not the parents. "You laughed every time I dropped the spoon, so I kept dropping it" is a bit of family history they get to keep.
Young children
Keep the sentences short and use their world. Mention the dinosaur they're obsessed with this month, or the cake they picked. Kids care less about how much they've grown than about you remembering what they love right now.
If they're still learning to read, read it to them. "I love being your Grandpa" is short enough to stick.
16th birthday
Sixteen-year-olds want room. Notice their judgment without lecturing. You might mention how calmly they handled a falling-out with a friend, or how many hours went into learning that guitar riff.
Don't assume they're driving, dating, or want a party. Write to the teenager you actually know. A joke is fine if that's how you two already talk, but keep the bathtub stories out of anything that might get read aloud.
18th birthday
Eighteen is exciting and a bit scary. Skip the predictions of great success. "You're allowed to change your mind, and you can call me any time" will do more good.
If they're moving out, name something you'll keep doing: a Sunday phone call, recipes in the mail, a standing dinner invitation. Make it easy to say yes to, with no guilt attached.
21st and later
At 21, write to the adult in front of you. Don't assume the celebration involves drinks. Talk about the friends they've made or the life they're putting together.
For later birthdays, look past the job title and the relationship status. Their patience with a friend going through a rough patch counts. So does the sourdough starter they won't stop talking about. If the year was hard, drop "best year ever." A plain hope for more rest, or more time together, lands better.
How to sign as Grandma, Grandpa, or both
Sign with the name they actually call you: Nana, Pop, Grandad, Gigi, whatever stuck. A milestone birthday or a wedding is no reason to go formal.
From one of you, "All my love, Grandma" or "In your corner, Grandpa" does the job. From both, write "we" in the message and sign "Love, Grandma and Grandpa." If one of you writes the main note, the other can add a line in their own handwriting. Grandkids notice two different handwritings, and they like it.
If a grandparent has died, mention them simply: "Grandpa would have loved seeing your new place." Then sign your own name. Include it only if you think it will comfort them on the day rather than weigh on it.
Wedding card etiquette for grandparents
Address the card to both of them, even if all your memories are of your grandchild. Use the names they go by. "Dear Sophie and Daniel" avoids guessing about titles or whether anyone is changing their surname.
Writing to a granddaughter and her husband? Welcome him in the card, by name. Writing to a grandson and his wife? Do the same for her. If you know the new spouse well, say one thing you like about them. If you've only met twice, "I'm looking forward to getting to know you better" is honest, and warmer than faking a long history.
On marriage advice, one line from your own life is plenty. Save the list of rules. Skip jokes about the ball and chain, hints about great-grandchildren, mentions of exes, and remarks on what the wedding cost. Religious wording is fine when it fits the couple's beliefs, whatever your own.
If you can't be there, say you'll be thinking of them, then turn the card back to their day. Mention a gift if you like, but never its price.
Before you seal it, check that both names are spelled right and read the card out loud. If it sounds like something you'd say across the kitchen table, it's ready.